Equilibrium
by TardisBlue1504
Summary: "You can call it fate, luck, a scientific anomaly, whatever you like. But no matter what you think it is, it's clear that the universes intend for Rose Tyler and the Doctor to be together, somehow, some way. Creation would cease to exist otherwise."
1. Chapter 1

I know she's going to put up a fight when she realizes exactly what the other me is doing. Rose is not the kind of girl (well, woman-she's definitely not the same doe-eyed teenager that I once bid a tearful goodbye to in this very same spot) to sit back and be left behind, again. She stomps after the other me as he turns around and tries to walk away, this time without so much as a goodbye. No, this is not going to go well. For either of us.

"But it's still not right," I can hear her saying over the wind. "Because the Doctor's still…you."

"And I'm him," the other me reminds her gently. There's a pained look on his face. I can tell he's close to cracking-if she pushes much more, he'll throw the entire multiverse away just to be with her. I know, because he is me.

I saunter forward, hands in my pockets. He and I stand facing each other. It's like looking in a mirror. Same nose, same dark eyes, same freckle over my left eye that I look at every day. Rose's eyes dart back and forth between the two of us, as if her brain still can't quite process that there are two of us. Here. With her. I see Donna waiting behind the other Doctor, looking a little impatient. I don't think he's told her just what's going to happen when they leave this place; if only the DoctorDonna could last forever. I feel like my heart might break.

"All right," Rose says. "Both you, answer me this. When I last stood on this beach, on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me?" She looks at the other me, waiting. I, too, wait for it, my heart pounding in my chest. It's his answer she wants, not mine. I know that much.

"Go on, say it," Rose says impatiently.

"I said…"Rose Tyler." The other Doctor gulps, his voice breaking slightly. He's silently pleading with his eyes, begging her not to make him say the words that he can't say.

"And how is that sentence going to end?"

The silence between the two of them seems to stretch out for an eternity, but I already know what he's going to say.

"Does it need saying?"

Rose's face falls slightly. She turns to me. "And you, Doctor?"

Oh, sod it. If he's not going to say it, then I definitely will. She needs to hear it, now more than ever. I should have said it years ago, back when I wore leather and had blue eyes.

I chance a brief look at the other me standing there before turning and leaning in close to her ear. This doesn't seem like something that the whole world should hear. "I love you," I tell her. Because I do. I love that girl iso/i much, I would have torn apart the universes to get to her if it had been possible. As I was running down that darkened street earlier, I had decided right then and there that I was going to drop down to my knees and ask her to marry me. Screw timelines, Daleks, and short human lives. For once in my own long life, I was going to be selfish, even if it meant I would have to watch her wither and die eventually. But then I had gotten shot by that damned Dalek, and everything changed.

Rose stares at me for a moment, a storm of emotions in her eyes. Grabbing the lapels of my jacket, she pulls me down and crashes her lips to mine, kissing me like there's no tomorrow. And oh, iit's amazing./i Why have I been so stupid for so long?

Rose jumps slightly at the sound of the TARDIS door slamming shut. She pulls out of my arms and runs towards it, but it's too late. The Doctor and Donna are gone from this existence, forever. She stares at the imprint in the sand, as if she can will the TARDIS to come back with her mind. Taking a deep breath, I step forward and reach for her hand. What else can I do? She's Rose Tyler and more than anything right now, she needs a hand to old. So do I.

"What now?" she asks dully, turning to look at me. I can see the hurt in her eyes, and I wonder if she'll ever ireally/i be able to accept me. If she'll ever be able to get over him. Right now, he still has Rose Tyler's heart with him inside that old blue police box, and I don't know that I'll ever get it back.

"Well," I say, trying to think of something, anything, to say that might be helpful. "I suppose…we live, Rose Tyler."

"I don't ever want to come back to this beach," she tells me bitterly. "Nothing but bad memories." She holds my hand in a death grip as we turn and walk towards Jackie, who is now standing father down the beach chattering on her mobile to Pete.

I can still hear the whine of the TARDIS engines in my head. I doubt I'll ever be able to get over that sound as long as I'm alive. She was only a memory to me now. The TARDIS had been a part of my life for so long, and now I'm going to have to learn how to live without her. Rose suddenly stops dead in her tracks and stares at me, confused. It's then that I realize that the sound of the TARDIS is inot/i, in fact, in my head, but instead is coming right behind me. We turn around just as it materializes in the same spot where it just sat. The imprint in the sand hasn't even disappeared yet.

After that, everything seems to happen in slow motion. Rose drops my hand and takes off running. The doors fly open again and The Doctor runs out, his hair sticking up in every direction and his brown coat flying out behind him.

"Rose!" I can hear him shout over the wind. I can't deny that my heart is sinking a little in disappointment as I watch him sweep her up into a bear hug and swing her around, just like we used to do. Well, they used to do, I guess. I may look like him and have his memories but I'm not the Doctor. "Rose Tyler, I love you!" I can hear him shout. "I'm sorry I was so thick, so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking!"

Rose is laughing now, an expression of sheer happiness on her face. I haven't seen ithat/i look in years. Not since before we were separated. I turn my eyes away as he pulled her into a passionate kiss, the kiss of reunited lovers. It doesn't seem like something that I or anyone else should see. That, and it just hurts to see her with him. Who ever thought that I would be jealous of myself? I suppose it was obvious from moment we landed on this beach that she would choose him anyway. It was never me that she wanted.

"Doctor?" Jackie pipes up quietly from behind me. She looks like she's near tears, because she knows what this means. She's likely going to lose her daughter for good this time.

"I'm alright," I say automatically, not looking her in the eye. "I'm always alright." I know she doesn't believe me; I don't even believe them myself this time.

"Doctor?"

This time it's Rose. I look up to see her watching me with a look of guilt on her face. I can tell that she had completely forgotten that I was there, and that just a few moments ago she kissed me as if her life depended on it.

"No Rose," I tell her, holding up my hand. I know what she's going to say, and I don't want to hear it. "I knew you were going to choose him. From the moment I was created, I knew it. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. And if it's him you need to be happy with instead of me, then I want you to be with him. I fight off the bile that's rising in my throat, wishing I still had my Time Lord physiology.

Rose steps forward and pulls me into a hug. Our lips aren't going to be meeting this time. "Thank you," she whispers to me, low enough so that the other Doctor can't hear. "For everything." She pulls away from me and returns to him. I notice that Donna is nowhere in sight. The Doctor catches my eye and gives me an imperceptible nod to say, "It's done." I wonder how long he was actually gone, and how long it took him to work up the nerve to come back. Despite what he told Rose, it will take weeks for the walls between the universes to close forever. And even then, there will be holes.

"I hate to interrupt this happy reunion," Jackie pipes up suddenly. "But it's bloody freezin' out here and I want to go home and see my family." She gives Rose a look, as if she's silently adding ithe part of my family that doesn't keep leaving/i to the end of that sentence.

"Oh, right, yes!" The other Doctor says, turning around and grinning. "Need a lift home?" he turns and points his thumb in the direction of the TARDIS. He and Rose head off towards the ship hand in hand, with Jackie following. I stay where I am for a moment, staring out at the sea. It's in that moment that I know I can never be just the Tin Dog. A new life, or something like that, is about to begin for me, and I'm going to make it mine.

Hello, I'm the Metacrisis, and there's nobody else like me.


	2. Chapter 2

The next few days are awkward, to say the least. Much to Jackie's relief, Rose and the Doctor have decided to stick around for a while to let the TARDIS rest. The two of them can't seem to get enough of each other. Who can blame them, though? Three years was too much, too long. Rose keeps trying to talk to me about what happened, but I always find a reason to leave, claiming that I have something I have to do. The TARDIS always needs another repair, and the spare sonic screwdriver that I pilfered from the other Doctor could always use another setting.

The worst thing, though, is the looks I keep getting. Every time I walk into the room Rose looks guilty, Jackie looks worried, and the other Doctor just sits there looking suspicious. So far the only one that seems to be completely neutral about my creation is Pete. Which is probably why I've allowed him to drag me to Torchwood on this particular day, despite my general distaste for anything remotely related to Torchwood. Of course, it also gives him the opportunity to ask me the one question I've been trying to avoid.

"So what are your plans, Doctor?" Pete asks me casually when we're out of earshot of the other employees.

I'm sitting in artifacts department surrounded by a large pile of bits and bobs, tossing the ones that are nothing but space garbage into the trash and separating the others into two piles: _deadly _and _catastrophic_. Of course these brilliant humans would stumble upon an abandoned alien ship filled with items that could end all of humanity; and now I'm one of them. Despite my misgivings about the current situation, I find it rather delightful if I do say so myself. Pete watches me work, looking slightly bored.

"Haven't really thought about it," I murmur through the sonic screwdriver, which I'm holding between my teeth. Actually, I've been thinking about it a lot. I don't know where I'll be going, but becoming Rose and the Doctor's third wheel is not my idea of fun. I don't exactly share well.

"You know, if you're going to stick around here for a while, you'll need a name," Pete says pointedly.

"I have one," I tell him, tossing another piece of junk over my shoulder. "Doctor."

"That's not a name," he tells me, rolling his eyes. "What are you going to do when you get stopped by a copper and all you can say is, "I'm the Doctor?" and he says, "Doctor Who?" and all you can say is, "Just the Doctor." That's going to go over very well for you."

"That's easy," I argue. "I won't get caught."

"Right," he says skeptically. "Well, either way, you should start thinking of a name. We'll have to get you some identification. I've got to get back to my office and finish up some paperwork. "If you blow anything up, just make sure you clean up the mess, alright?" He waves his hand over the pile of junk in front of me and gives me a grin before turning to leave.

"Noble," I call out to him as he reaches the door.

"What?"

"Noble," I tell him again. "Ian Noble." I hope that Donna wouldn't mind that I'm using her name. She's just about the closest thing to a sister that I've ever had and it's been in my mind since I last saw her on Bad Wolf Bay.

"Dr. Ian Noble," he says slowly, as if testing out on his tongue. "I like it."

Rose finally manages to corner me that afternoon while I'm working on rewiring the TARDIS console. It's not really something that _needs_ to be done right away, but it gives me something to focus on besides her. I'm lying on the grating beneath the open console, staring at the massive tangle of wires above my head and cursing the Doctor (certainly not myself) who had the bright idea to run the wires like this when she walks in. Our eyes meet briefly as I look up at the sound of her footsteps, but I quickly return my attention to what I'm doing. "The other Doctor isn't here," I tell her flatly. I have no idea where he is, though I suspect he's deliberately avoiding the TARDIS while I'm puttering around.

"Actually, I was looking for you," she says, watching me with her hands on her hips. "I know you've been avoiding me, Doctor."

I pull a handful of wires from the group, feeling irritable. "I'm not avoiding-Ow!" The TARDIS sends a spray of blue sparks my way, burning three of my fingers. I leap to my feet, my left temple barely missing the edge of the console. _Was that necessary?_ I silently growl at the TARDIS. She sends back a _YES!_ that would be nothing less than an exasperated yell if she was able to talk. I suck on my burned fingers, wishing that I still had the Time Lord ability to block pain.

Rose comes over to inspect my hand. I flinch when she touches me, though not because of the pain in my hand. "You're hurt."

"I'm fine," I insist, pulling my hand away. I try not to sound bitter. I'm not, really. I just don't need anyone fussing and worrying over me, especially Rose Tyler.

She quirks an eyebrow at my tone, then grabs me gently by the wrist and leads me to the infirmary anyway. I protest lightly, but when have I ever been able to deny Rose Tyler what she wants? She orders me to sit on the table, so I do.

"Got something better now," I tell her, nodding at a drawer to her left when she starts pulling supplies out of various cabinets. "Use the Advanced Dermal Regulator, version DLXIII. Second drawer on the left."

"Right." Rose pulls out what looks like a small black scan gun out of the drawer and studies it, trying to figure out the complicated mass of buttons that line the top.

"All you have to do is push that button there-" my hand accidentally brushes hers as I reach out and hit a tiny green button on the handle- "And hold it while you run the scanner over the injured area. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy." I grimace. "Ooh, never let me say that again."

"Hold out your hand," Rose orders. I obey, gritting my teeth in pain and trying not to groan as she runs the regulator over the injured area. "You're doing great," I tell her when she looks up at me with worried eyes. "Just stings a bit, that's all." She nods, and continues what she's doing. There is a strange silence between us. Certainly a rarity, considering that this version of me has never _stopped_ talking.

"So…is it true?" she asks me after a few minutes, unable to bear the awkwardness between us any longer.

"Is what true?" I'm rather confused by her question.

"What you said. On the beach. About…you."

Ah. "Yep," I tell her, popping the "p" like I always do. "One heart, one life. Completely human. Well, mostly. I still have the Time Lord brain." I tap the side of my head.

She nods. "We should probably talk about this."

I opt for stalling, though it couldn't be more obvious what she's getting at. "A Time Lord Brain in a human body? It does take some getting used to, let me tell you. My eyes are terrible. I actually _need_ my glasses now. And you don't even want to know how many times I have to-"

Rose cuts off my rambling with a sigh, clearly frustrated with me. Her hand is shaking slightly, and she nearly drops the scanner. "_This_. _Us_. Every time I walk into the room you find a reason to leave. I don't want you to…" She lets the sentence hang between us, unfinished.

"You don't want me to what, Rose?" My hand, which is resting on her free one while she works on it, tightens slightly.

"…Hate me."

"Hate you?" I can't believe she would think that I could _ever _hate her. "Oh, Rose." I pull the scanner out of her hand and place it on the table behind be before placing my arms on her shoulders. My hand is still throbbing from the burns, but that can wait. Human me or no, she's still the most important thing in my life and I want her to know it. I almost pull her to me but I realize that that would be moving into dangerous territory, so I force myself to be content with having her at arm's length. "Rose, I could never hate you. Why would you think that?"

"Because…because I made a choice. And I broke your heart."

As is the usual for me, I resort to running by gob to hide my emotions. "Well, you'd have to break one of our hearts anyway, right? Or two, in his case. Breaking two hearts is worse than breaking just one, don't you think? Not that a heart really "breaks" when someone is sad, of course. Rejection activates the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex and right ventral pre-frontal cortex, which processes-"

I shut up when I see tears forming in her eyes. "Oh Rose, don't cry," I tell her gently, suddenly feeling like a jerk. I wipe the tears off her cheeks with my thumb. I've never been able to stand seeing her cry. It brings out a bit of the oncoming storm in me, I suppose. I just want to go and make the universe right so that she's happy again. "Remember what I told you on the beach?"

"Well…you told me that you love me."

I nod. "I did. And I meant it. What else did I tell you?"

"That if he was what I needed to be happy, then you wanted me to be with him."

"That wasn't just me running my mouth, Rose," I tell her, brushing a loose strand of hair out of her face. "I meant that, too. All I want is for you to be happy. It's also the reason that he left the first time. Because he, and I, would do anything for you if we thought it was the best thing for you. Do you understand?"

Rose nods, sniffing a bit. "But what about you?" she asks me, leaning in to my shoulder. "You deserve to be happy, too." We are too close to each other, entirely too close. But right now it feels like every neuron in my body is on fire, and I can't push her away. I worry that I might do something stupid. Like kiss her. And that's the _last_ thing that she needs.

"Ah, don't worry about me, Rose Tyler," I tell her, smiling sadly into her hair. "I'll be alright. I'm always alright, remember?"

She smacks my other shoulder lightly with her hand. "That's a load of crap and you know it," she says. "I wish there were two of me. Then you could be happy too."

"Well even if there were, she still wouldn't _my_ Rose Tyler," I point out, grabbing her hand and placing it where my other heart used to be. "And I would still miss you. So that would just be silly, don't you think?"

Rose smiles despite her tears. "Nah."

I pull her tighter, despite the fact that my brain is screaming at me to push her away, to leave this room _right now._ "Do you know why the Doctor has two hearts, Rose?"

She looks up at me, brow furrowed. "Uh, because"-

I shake my head. "No, not because he needs a respiratory bypass system," I tell her with an exasperated smile. "It's because he needs two hearts to love you. One for him…and one for me."

"Doctor," she whispers, overcome with emotion. As I watch her staring up at me with those amber eyes I know so well, I can feel the last of my resistance flying right out the TARDIS doors. Before I can stop myself I pull her in and crash my lips to hers, and all I can think right now is that _I'm her Doctor._ Rose sighs against my lips and wraps her arms around my neck, deepening the kiss. She, too, is lost in the moment. I relish in the sweetness of her lips, the softness of her skin beneath my fingers, the way the contours of her body fit perfectly with mine. I memorize it, because memories are all I will have.

After a few moments, I pull back and gently push her away. "Go," I tell her. Rose watches me for a few breathless seconds before turning around and bolting out the door of the infirmary. There is so much more that I want to say to her, but this time, it truly doesn't need saying. She _knows._ I give her a few moments to get a head start, and then follow her out the door, shutting it behind me.

What neither of us realize is that the other Doctor has been hiding in the shadows of the infirmary the whole time, and has just witnessed everything between us. He watches me go, then pulls a blue sapphire ring out of his pocket. He studies it for a moment, then slips it back into his pocket with a resigned sigh before following me out the door.


End file.
